Genealogy as Self-Care
When I reflect on my ancestors, I think about how they would like to be remembered and how they would feel if their descendants didn’t know who they were. I do genealogy research to revere them and their trials. I spend so much time doing it because I find it crucial to make their memories last. They mattered.
But I’d also be lying if I said that that was the only reason. There’s a very selfish aspect to it as well. The research is part of my self-care routine. Research helps you relax? Well, it’s not as crazy as you might think.
You see, my favorite definition of self-care defines it as such:1
Any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated.
Self-care provides you with the opportunity to control at least one thing in what might otherwise be a stressful day or busy afternoon. You choose something personal to focus on your precious energy on. The act is necessary to ground yourself and calm your mind. Self-care doesn’t have to be a hobby– it can just as easily be something simple, like drinking tea before bedtime. It’s something important enough that you purposely dedicate time to it.
When the world isn’t making any sense, I retreat into the past and find comfort in the stories that I discover and the ones that I have yet to unearth. I lose myself in the research in the same way that you lose yourself when you’re binge-watching a great show. And somewhere along the way, I find comfort in knowing that no matter how crazy the world might be, it’s nothing compared to my ancestors’ own struggles. It makes me feel grateful, humble, and regal even when the world may not see the same thing. Each new document I find fills me with warmth. The act of reaching out into the past centers my spirit and caresses my brow. And if I get stuck or can’t figure something out? It’s okay. It gives me the freedom to truly explore and dig deep into something I’m passionate about.
It’s also my act of rebellion in a couple of different ways. I refuse the mindset of a society that dismisses the history of African Americans. By the time I’m done, my ancestors’ names will be known and future generations of my family will be able to rattle off names and stories like it was second nature. But I also rebel against the present: I refuse to be broken down by that same society that tells me that reaching for your dreams is impractical.
Audre Lorde said it best:
Caring for myself is not self-indulgent, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.
It is a self-care activity that gives me something to look forward to and envelopes me in peace. It excites me in just the right way, as I wonder– what will I learn today? What other mysteries have I missed? Who is left out there to remember?